Direction of Intention

 

Over the years I have noticed a pattern in my life - periods of intense energy, activity, and focus followed by periods of exhaustion, stagnation, and confusion. This is a cycle that seems to pass at pretty regular intervals, and I must say that I am in the latter part of the cycle now. I have been intensely busy since last spring devoting energy to many new opportunities and filling my time with travel to new places and making new art. Now I am in a lull. The activity has subsided, I don’t need to exert so much energy. I look at my calendar and see that it is pretty wide open. I’m still making new art, but a feeling of exhaustion and stagnation has crept over me. Perhaps it’s the time of the year. As one year ends and a new one begins, I become very reflective and try to make some sense of the past year and try to set a course for the new one.

This year, however, I feel exceptionally exhausted. And it seems that with great frequency, I reflect on how tired I am both physically and mentally. I think that I am just tired of being tired. That’s it - I am tired of being tired - tired of being grumpy - tired of feeling like I’m not living - tired of waiting. I am tired of waiting for the right time, the right opportunity, the right situation, the right circumstance. Perhaps I am not where I want to be, but how can I begin to live that life now at this very moment and begin a substantial movement to that place I want to be?

I am ready for a change - something new - growth in a new direction. I am ready to take the next step. I’m just not certain how to take it. I know what I wish for my life. I can envision it, but there seems to be so many obstacles that are standing in my way. The only step that I can see now that is not a drastic, quit-my-job-that-pays-the-bills-and-hope-for-the-best kind of change, but small changes where I reach out more - to do little things that can begin to shift the momentum in the direction I want to go. I want to do as Patti Digh suggests in Creativity is A Verb, and focus on the direction of my intention. I can sit around and wallow and moan about how tired I am and about how I’m not living the life I envision, and sing the whole woe-is-me song. Or I can start to do something about it now. I can literally and metaphorically get off of my lazy ass and do something that points me in the direction I need to go. In order to create the world that I envision, I need to “get busy living or get busy dying.” (I love the movie Shawshank Redemption).

I have begun a journey - a journey that I plan on sharing with anyone willing to tag along. As part of that, I have a few projects in the works - ways to open myself, reach out, and allow my voice to ring out. I'll be sharing those later as I wrap them up. I hope that you will tag along.